Motivation: Lighting a Fire in Your Heart

From the helmet of:  Tesla

Motivation isn't easy to find sometimes.  Most times.  Ok, pretty much all the time for some of us.  Today I was sitting in my living room thinking about all the things I needed to do, wanted to do.  I needed to send a friend a package, but she lives halfway across the world, so I've really got to go to the post office to send it the way I want to send it.  Well, the post office is closed already... I waited too long.  So, "I'll just sit here some more," sounded like a pretty good plan.  I have a commission to finish painting, I need to put names on the back of a few scrimmage jerseys for the girls, and my husband and I have shirt orders piling up that have to be printed.  I have two photo shoots that got stuck in limbo when my laptop died and need to be salvaged and moved over to the new iMac, then need to be edited.  We both work full time office jobs, so weekends feel like very short stretches of time that we are ONLY allowed to enjoy if we have nothing else to do.  Do that stuff after work, maybe?  Nope.  I drive three hours per day to work and back, so I'm both home AND awake about three to four hours per night.  I have to cook, eat, bathe, and do laundry in that time.  But, guess what.  The house is a mess.  We have a million things to do, and some of our customers have pre-paid for their orders, so we've GOT to get them done or risk our reputation.  Being an adult stinks, huh?  When I was a kid I yearned for the magical adult years in which I'd do whatever I wanted and sleep all day.  Pssht.

Now, add derby to this mix.  Add two practices a week, thirty miles from home. Add the time spent volunteering, going to events, and watching games.  It all adds up to being away from home even more than my pre-derby life.  Four months into skate-life, and I'm beginning to devote time to off-skates exercise, skatepark sessions, and derby blogging.  I just can't get enough, but I also can't quit life to do it exclusively.  Where is the motivation supposed to come from?  I do WANT to finish painting my commission.  I do WANT to get paid for shirt orders and hand them off to happy customers.  I want all of these things...  but I am so tired.  My house is so messy.  My work spaces are cluttered and sad.  I am fabulous at making excuses.

Thinking all of these overwhelming thoughts, I got up off the sofa and walked to the kitchen.  I made another cup of tea, then sat right back down.  I picked up my phone and scrolled through Facebook for a while.  I flipped through photos of the Texies smashing Arizona yesterday and smiled a whole lot.  Those are my girls!  The women who teach and advise and care, those ladies that make sure I'm plow stopping with correct form and tell me to slow down and focus on technique, they are just amazing.  They train and work and teach and play.  They practice like animals and sweat pure awesomejuice.  I began to wonder if they'd be where they are without motivation.  What's my motivation?  Will the world end if I don't finish the painting, clean the kitchen, or edit those photos?  No, probably not.  It's like I need a large carnivorous dinosaur chasing me in order to accomplish anything.  Do it or DIE?  Ok, I'll do it!!  But, do it or you'll feel crummy?  Yeah, that's not great motivation.  I already feel crummy.  Nice try, brain.

Then, just when I needed it, this video floated into view in my Facebook newsfeed.  Take five minutes out of your day and watch it.  Save it and watch it again later.  Just watch it.

Did tears roll down your cheeks?  My eyes got misty and I had to wipe away a few salty drops.  Now, this may be because lately I've been told more than once, by more than a few people, to "be realistic," "be sensible," and "be responsible."  I was told it wasn't a solid idea to start a roller derby blog or print roller derby shirts "because no one really plays roller derby" and my target audience would be too small to matter.  Sometimes I played the part of the naysayer:  I'm too new to derby.  I don't belong yet.  No one knows who I am, or cares what I have to say.  What if they don't like my writing?  What if I get made fun of or ridiculed for something I say?  What if no one buys what I design?  What if I fall out of love with derby and give up?

I'm not saying that watching an inspirational video will cure you of all laziness and lack of will, but I do think that sometimes we need to hear someone tell us to GO for it.  So, GO FOR IT.  That thing you've been wanting to do?  Go try it.  Maybe you're reading this blog because you're standing on the outside of the derby circle wondering if you could possibly do it, too.  You can.  You are roller derby.  Maybe you're fresh meat like me, or a seasoned skater like Gravy, and you're wondering if you could ever possibly play on a travel team someday, or be an international derby dreamboat like Fifi or Stef Mainey.  We all know that line in Whip It, right?  "Put some skates on- be your own hero."  I think that translates into "Just do it.  Why not you?"  Why not?  Why not start a derby blog? (Because so many already exist!  It's been done!)  Why not finish that damn painting? (I'm not even a great painter.  There are way better illustrators out there.)  Why not finish editing those photos? (It's not like I'll win a contest or the hearts of america with these photos, they're just head shots.)

Allow me to be my own Shoulder Angel a la Emperor's New Groove's Kronk:  That derby blog you start could save your sanity, and people might just LIKE IT.  Who cares if they don't?  Write it anyway!  That painting could lead to other paintings.  It could lead to a worthwhile venture into illustration if you'd let it.  It might make someone's day.  Those photos stuck on your laptop might contain a gem, someone's very favorite photo of themselves.  Maybe a few of those pictures will end up in frames on a mantle, and someone will smile every time they look at them.  Maybe you'll never be famous or rich, or anyone's hero, but you'll never be ANYTHING if you don't get off this damn sofa.  Be your own hero.  And if you haven't watched The Emperor's New Groove, remedy that situation immediately.  Just saying.

After watching the video, I stood up and went upstairs.  I had a small fire in my heart, and I didn't want it to go out, so I began to write.  I guess that's the key, isn't it?  Find something to kindle that little fire in you and then don't let it go out.  Fan it, care for it.  Don't let anyone stomp it out, and if they do?  Find a match.  I hope, if you were sitting still like I was, that you're not sitting now.